The balance in your bank account and how much you can bench aren't at the top of her list.
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There are lots of ways to make yourself more attractive to women. Most guys think of hitting the gym or upgrading their style. These things help, though most important is your personality–or, more accurately, how well you can break the ice, break through her barriers, and flirt in a way that she finds compelling.
But not everything matters. And a lot of guys spend time obsessing over things that most women just don’t care about. Some of these may surprise you; read on.
1) The balance in your bank account
Yes, most women want a man who can take care of himself, has a reasonable place to live, car, and the ability to go out and do things without her having to pay for him. It’s also true that many women will look to your career and lifestyle as indicators for your ambition and drive. (Even though of course there are lots of ways for men to be ambitious without making a lot of money).
But most women aren’t gold-diggers. How much money you have isn’t the most important thing, and many women will be offended if you try to attract them only with your money. Show her that you can take care of yourself and that you have ambition and goals, and you’ll be fine.
2) How nice you are (especially when you first meet)
For an attractive woman, “nice guys” are not in short supply. In fact, most guys will creep her out by being too nice off the bat. I’m not saying to be a jerk, but don’t put her on a pedestal that she doesn’t deserve, or hasn’t earned yet.
Being nice is like having two arms and two legs. It’s not a way to stand out, because every guy has those abilities. Find other attractive qualities you can show her.
3) Your size
OK, obviously size matters to many women, especially in a friends with benefits situation. But it’s rarely one of the most important factors. For one thing, size doesn’t correlate directly to performance; ask your female friends who was the best lover they ever had and then ask who was the best endowed – they’re often not the same person.
For another thing, most women are looking for more than mechanically powerful sex. How she feels about you plays a much greater role.
4) How much you can bench
Most women want a fit, active guy – someone who is motivated to take care of himself and his body. But that’s because she can see and feel your body and be with someone whose personality she likes and respects; it’s not because she actually cares about how much weight you lifted for how many repetitions. Usually it’s a pretty weird or insecure guy who is always talking about his gym performance. Besides, this is a case where one should show instead of telling. If you’re doing great work at the gym, she’ll notice on your body.
5) Facts, facts, and more facts
This is a more general point – many men don’t know how to “speak woman." Tell a story to another man, and it will (and should be) full of factual detail. Tell a story to a woman, and the facts don’t matter as much as the emotions behind what you’re saying.
Ask yourself – and answer – the question “How did this make me feel?” when telling stories or relaying experiences to women. And when you listen to women, focus on the emotional content of what they’re saying as much as on the specific factual details.
6) How smart you are
Some women are attracted to intelligence. They know what to look for. If you’re talking to such a woman and you have a brain, she’ll know.
Trying to impress any woman with how smart you are will usually be a turnoff. You’ll come across an insecure tenth-grade nerd with your hand in the air trying to show off by answering the teacher’s question. Let her figure it out.
Nick Savoy is the President of Love Systems and a regular contributor to Men’s Fitness. Follow him on twitter @LS_Savoy