Top pick up artist (PUA) Future contributed this to the Love Systems insider (LSi) a couple of years ago. It’s referenced in this coming week’s LSi so seemed worthwhile to republish it here.
(Update: He has since reposted it on his blog).
Let’s talk about love. One of the most important pieces of literature in the world is a love poem. When Dante Alighieri wrote The Divine Comedy, his intent was to show the journey of a wicked soul transformed by the power of love for a beautiful woman. In Dante’s case, the woman was named Beatrice. He met her once when he was nine years old and again when he was eighteen. From his infatuation came one of the most beautiful poems ever recorded. And he never got the girl.
We’ve all been there, I think, although most of us aren’t compelled to write epic poetry in the wake of a pretty girl’s passing. Too many of us fall sway to the halo effect: she arouses me, and thus can do no wrong! It is a position born from loneliness, from inexperience, from fear.
If you’ve been to The PUA Forums or taken a Love Systems PUA bootcamp, you know it’s axiomatic to eschew attraction to a single woman. When a student asks me how to get This Specific Girl in a phone consultation, I ask him to prepare a new question. Before you can become attractive to women, there is one thing you must do first: kill Beatrice.
I don’t say this callously. I’m a lover. I enjoy the women I’m with. I genuinely seek to find the best in people, although they often disappoint me, as I’m sure they do you. Nevertheless, I seek the goodness in other people. When I start hitting on a woman, I really do hope she’s not going to be a silly twit whose value doesn’t rise beyond the surface beauty that drew me into conversation with her.
I’m not alone. Whenever we ask students at bootcamps about their plans for the future, most of them say they’d like to find That Special Girl, even if they have to seduce a thousand young ladies to find her.
That needs more emphasis. You must– must– become a creature of options. For your own sake. Not to become a poon-hound. Until you attain a meaningful, confident, consistent success with the women you desire, your own limitations will devalue the power of your love and limit your ability not only to acquire but also to keep The One.
Love Systems starts and ends with perceived options. Beautiful women are usually conditioned to be acceptably bitchy because they can get away with it. [Don't complain about this - learn how female psychology works so you can use it to your advantage]. Their options don’t close off when they act poorly, so they continue to do so. Less attractive women usually learn that when they like someone, they need to treat him well. Otherwise their options are drastically limited. Pretty girls are able to set their own standards of behavior, and since the odds are good they weren’t raised well, those standards typically stretch the bounds of good taste. I didn’t make the rules.
Most men act like ugly girls: don’t make waves, don’t risk the loss, and don’t treat her like merely one of your social options. Bad call. The women smell it. They feel it, like loser-water splashed all over them. They smell the underlying vibe of your every movement: I hope I don’t mess this up. This neediness — the perception that you aren’t treating them like they are women, like you are a man — is at the root of so many failed pick-ups. That girl you’re pining for might even like you, in that way…
…Just a little.
But in her gut she senses a sharp discord with her own feelings of inadequacy and innate discomfort: this guy likes me too much. Boom. You lost the girl.
And so we come to the so-called seduction community. We are told over and over again how bad “oneitis” is. Message boards teem with the mighty keystrokes of those who are mad-learned on the knowledge. But when you’re in the middle of that emotional maelstrom, it’s hard to hear WHY it’s important to kill those feelings for that special, magical girl, to kill Beatrice.
Why? Because she’s not special, and neither are you.
Listen to the radio. Nearly every song is a testimony to how awesome love is.
And it is.
It’s an overwhelming state that inspires, confounds, and defines. Through its experience, all your other emotional potentials fall into sharp relief.
In fact, in the book Getting the Love You Want, Dr. Harville Hendrix distills the experience of love down to three core emotions:
1.) This person is highly unusual and specifically tailored to loving me.
2.) I’ll never feel like this again.
3.) This feeling should last forever.
Biochemically, you are DESIGNED to react to loving emotions exactly how you do. Your emotions are NOT special.
They are, in fact, the textbook definition of common.
She has loved before.
So have you.
She will again.
So will you.
No, she’s not different. When I hear guys rant about how, “No, she’s different, she’s a sweet girl,” my head starts to spin. Do a search for the triumphs of Love Systems instructors; wherever you stand on the morality if the issue, at some point the testimony of other men’s wives and girlfriends has to amount to something. It’s not good or bad. It just is.
Imagine the most heinous, depraved, “slutty” thing you’ve seen or conceived. Now, know this: you know someone who’s done something like that or worse. Such is the reality of modern reality. Suck it up and deal. After all, you’re probably a normal, decent person, and all that deviance and judgment you just threw out in our imaginary situation there is NOTHING compared to the festival of sin that is your daily, hourly sexual fantasy life. What separates your thoughts from your actions? Sadly, it’s probably an issue of will and game (and for some of you, of course, the law).
No one is actually that special. But everyone is that special. That one girl isn’t worth a damn because everyone has a nugget of gold lodged somewhere in their chest. Everyone has some hidden glory. Sometimes it’s hidden very deeply. But there truly are a vast number of interesting, beautiful women, despite their minority status. In that same regard, no single girl is all you’ve made her up to be. Not one. None. No one. Some of you are reading this and thinking about This One Girl You Know. Seriously, not even her. EVEN IF EVERYTHING YOU SAY ABOUT HER IS TRUE! THERE IS A GIRL WHO IS BETTER-LOOKING, SMARTER, FUNNIER, AND NICER. YOU JUST HAVEN’T MET HER YET. That glorious sun goddess is still just another glorious sun goddess. We live on a planet with 6,200,000,000 human beings. And women are in the majority. Seriously, she’s not that special.
And that’s why you have to kill Beatrice. That muse is only holding you back because what she’s really doing, what she’s really, really accomplishing, is holding you back from being your true, glorious self. Find her seventy thousand superior counterparts. Then return.
Experience and willingness to learn breed perspective. When you don’t accrue a lot of experience with girls, it’s easy to get sidetracked by illusions, to forget how mortal these divine creatures are. Then, you can find a girl you want, a girl you like, a girl you can love. And you will not love her out of habit. You will not love her because she’s just the prettiest girl you’ve ever been with. You will love her because she’s the best girl to receive your love. And that statement means something because you have allowed other, female things to happen to you!