Every once in a while I break my “there are no stupid questions” rule to let someone know that they have, indeed, asked a stupid question. One that I’ve gotten a few times is “I like [some actress or porn star] but all I have is her twitter handle; how do I pick her up?”
That’s a stupid question, right? Because there are ways to pick up your favorite actress, or even to date a pornstar, but doing it 140 characters at a time in a public medium without being able to use tone, body language, physicality, when you’re one 40,000 people following her — let’s just say that it’s a low-percentage shot. It’s almost impossible. It’s a deluded fantasy.
Except it’s not.
Hat tip to Josh Farmer for this newspaper article – 26 year old picks up UK TV star on twitter. Admittedly, the actress is a bit past her prime, but if this is actually true and not a publicity stunt, it’s a hell of a story.
Original article (see above for link) starts here:
The former queen of daytime television appears to have let her crown slip.
Presenter Melanie Sykes, 41, has sent a string of sexually charged messages on social networking site Twitter to her new beau Jack Cockings, 26, openly sharing lusty details of the couple’s exploits.
Melanie met Jack through the social networking site just this month and it seems the couple have wasted no time in getting acquainted.
In one of the racy posts she tweeted that she had ‘the giddiest knickers of my life’ and told Jack: ‘I’ve got the raging horn, please take me’.
In another, smitten Melanie wrote: ‘Jack the rabbit I need some bunny love so hop to it!! Xxx boing boing!!! Loooooool xxxxxxx’.
He replied: ‘Only if I can bounce into your face! Xxx’, to which she asked: ‘Will you fill mine? Xxx’.
Melanie later sent flirty tweets about the colour of her underwear and referring to his manhood she said: ‘If its a winkle me & you are not gonna get on Lolx’.
Another of her Tweets read: ‘Get off Twitter and get back in bed! Xxx’ God you are insatiable! I love it! Xxx.’
Unsurprisingly, she has since deleted some of the more outrageous posts.
The mother-of-two, who is known for fronting family-friendly shows told Jack: ‘My white jeans can’t take it anymore gonna have to rip these babies off! X’ and ‘my throat is inflamed can you help? : )’.
As well as sharing a series of raunchy messages Melanie has also uploaded a series of snaps of her and Jack.
In one snap the couple are seen kissing while in another they are sat outside a shopping centre on children’s rides.
Melanie’s enthusiasm has been more than mirrored by her eager young man who told her: ‘I’m ready and very hard! Bouncy bouncy xxx’, she replied: ‘Me nips are up! tweak tweak!! Xxx’
She then quipped: ‘I’ve met this rabbit that is in dire need of my attention xx RSPCA.’
He replied: ‘@MsMelanieSykes haha this rabbit has really naughty habits though… keeps practicing for reproduction24/7 xxx’.
Melanie has even posted pictures of the pair kissing and canoodling on the micro-blogging site as well as snaps from photoshoots of herself nude and in sexy lingerie.