See Part I of the Top 10 things I learned in the game before reading this, or it won’t make any sense. This isn’t to solve an easy question like how do I find a woman — there’s a lot of depth in here.
6- The Truth is Flexible
Okay, this is not going to be an argument that lying is acceptable or that blatant deception is how one should go. However, the sad truth about learning about game, and social dynamics in general, is that positive emotion is the true lubricant of good social feeling (not alcohol) and positivity is, by definition, neither neutral nor negative/critical, and therefore involves lying. Or, if you don’t like the term “lying,” then perhaps a better and more philosophical euphemism might be something like, “exploring all of the possible interpretations surrounding the facts.” This is all another fancy way of emphasizing the importance of framing and frame control, for framing is about taking in all the interpretations of the facts at hand thrown your way, and then spinning it or re-framing those interpretations into one that is in your favor. One of the biggest flaws inherent in the male brain, especially for those there are deeply trained or socialized in logical thinking or engineering/science, is the paradigm that everything is determined by objective laws and facts and that if only we could eliminate all the emotional and illogical parts of our thinking, then all of reality will open up to us. Wrong. We are emotional, desiring creature FIRST that have developed the logical parts of our brain later in order to better control and manipulate the world around us to ensure survival. In the realm of emotion, don’t get stuck on the facts, get stuck on the interpretations. If you can get a better grip on your ability to grasp all the various interpretations available to you and then choose which one is the most appropriate for your goal at hand, there is nothing more powerful. For even “choosing” to be logical is an interpretive choice. Be comfortable living in ambiguity while never surrendering your power to another person.
7- The Importance of Learning How to Lead an Interaction
I tend to be an observer. I sit back, make observations, run scientific experiments in my head, formulate theories, etc. That can be useful in certain situations…but not in game. I personally resent it when people try to lead me or impose their own frames on to me because I can smell the attempt at getting me to submit to their desires a mile away. Therefore, I’ve always been hesitant to try and take control of a situation and lead, even in the most subtle of ways, because of that sensitivity. However, in the game most women like a man who leads the interaction, whether it is a subtle leadership or a more blatant one depends on the woman. But most want to be seduced without appearing to be seduced. They are looking for a mate that can be trusted with taking the appropriate action without much awkwardness or obvious friction. And so, one of my biggest inner game challenges is in getting comfortable being an initiator and facilitating the momentum of game interactions rather than passively waiting for the woman to take the lead.
8- Becoming Comfortable in Your Masculine Self
I’ve never liked machismo or excessively masculine men. Perhaps I view them as being a threat or as being overly egoistic. If I’m going to be around other guys, I prefer them to be more neutral and balanced between their feminine energy and masculine energy. The whole “unreactive” ideal is pretty irritating to me in terms of everyday interactions where I’d prefer an environment of consensus, honest self-disclosure, and general niceness and congeniality.
But this doesn’t get you the most beautiful women usually…it reeks too much of “nice guy.”
One aspect I’m learning is to be more comfortable with my masculine self in relating to women, especially in a non-work, non-public, non-professional environment. Let’s face it, romance and sex is about negotiating desire and negotiating desire is about power. Power demands the ebb and flow of domination and submissiveness, compliance and resistance. And in order to both balance yourself and provide a woman with what her psychology desires, you have to embrace the masculine side of yourself (in your own unique way though) and be comfortable expressing that side in an assertive manner.
9- Letting the “Market” Do Its Work (Or, Preparing Oneself to be Judged.)
I was an economics undergraduate and so I was steeped in the theory (and realities) of market dynamics. And yet, I still held on to idealistic notions in the romance market. In the idealistic model, I can believe in those “fuzzy” feel-good ideas I was exposed to growing up, namely that just by being myself and being a good person with good intentions that eventually my goals and desires will come to fruition because I am intrinsically valuable despite what others think or desire. “The Universe” will provide me with all I need. As a psychological “trick” or attitude, this sort of thinking can be helpful often with dealing with the vicissitudes of life and cloaking yourself in a warm blanket of invincibility.
But in the game, the reality is much more stark. In this reality, you must submit yourself to the potential humiliation of the market, which means that you must realize that your value will be gauged differently by different people according to their value systems, apart from what your intentions are. Therefore, you must be prepared to deal with those women who hold your value to be low no matter what you do while at the same time you will run into those who will intrinsically value you highly. Love Systems teaches techniques whereby you can increase your value in the market to the point where those who might have been neutral or slightly negative toward you before now will view you as having a higher value than before. Related to overcoming “Oneitis,” submitting oneself to the market while presenting yourself with your highest possible image can be very fruitful if you are just willing to play the field and see how the market evaluates you. You just have to be willing to psychologically handle it when the current market situation, i.e. the specific woman or context you are dealing with, doesn’t go in your favor.
10- Don’t be Such a Fearful Pussy
Do I need to say much more?
* * *
This ends the two-part guest post. Instructive? Helpful? Leave feedback in the comments section.