Social Circle Game is how most men meet women. But it’s an area where most men make a lot of basic mistakes — so it’s time for a back-to-basics post. If you’re good at social circle game, you probably won’t find much new here. If you’re not, this is a must-read.
“Social Circle” just means that you already know her or have a reason to know her. If you have friends in common, if you’re taking the same class or at the same conference or work together, she’s in your extended social circle.
In contrast, cold approach is where you don’t know her or have any reason to know her. If you meet a woman at a bar, nightclub, coffee shop, mall, park, etc., then that’s usually cold approach. (Unless, for example, you’re at a nightclub because it’s your friend’s birthday party, in which case you have a reason to know anyone else at that party). Online dating can be either social circle or cold approach. If you’re messaging women on a dating site, then it’s closer to cold approach. if you’re chatting with your sister’s best friend on Facebook, then it’s probably social circle.
Social Circle game is usually more efficient than cold approach. If you’re good at social circle game, your friends and friends-of-friends will constantly be introducing you to attractive women: women who are already pre-sold on you and attracted to you. So why doesn’t everyone just do social circle game and never approach strangers?
1. Most men don’t have social circles that include or produce many attractive women. Building a high-quality social circle is one of the single best things you can do for your game. No, that’s wrong. It’s one of the best things you can do for your life. But like everything else that’s valuable, you have to work for it. Braddock – who was voted the #1 Dating Coach in the world last year – is the great guru of social circle mastery and it took him years to put together his system for building a quality social circle. And part of that building phase involves cold approach, so you can’t get around needing the cold approach skills.
2. Social Circle game takes patience. One fun thing about cold approach is that a woman is either going to be interested in me or not within a couple minutes. If things go well, then we’ll be hooking up or making plans to go on a date within a couple hours. Social Circle Game doesn’t work that way, for a few reasons that I’ll get to in a moment. Braddock compares Social Circle vs Cold Approach to hunting vs farming. Hunting might be more thrilling. Almost every tribe in history started as hunters of some sort. But the world was won by farmers.
3. Most guys aren’t good enough at attraction and other Love Systems skills to be consistently attractive to women in their social circle anyway. These skills need to be practiced and improved. And you never want to practice within your social circle.
Meeting Women in your Social Circle
Meeting women in your extended social circle should be easy. Often you’ll be introduced without actually doing anything to make that happen. But if there’s someone you want to meet who hasn’t crossed your path yet, don’t be shy. You don’t have to have an “excuse”. You definitely don’t have to (and shouldn’t) use a clever opening line. Save those for cold approach. Depending on the situation, just introduce yourself or get someone to introduce you. Some guys who are new to Love Systems think that men who are attractive to women are constantly being witty and provocative in every interaction with every woman. That’s really not true. One thing I talk about in my book, the Magic Bullets Handbook, is the importance of Social Intelligence. Pushing the boundaries a little bit can often be very attractive women. Being weird or completely out of the mainstream is not usually attractive. What might work between strangers at a bar or a coffee shop might feel weird to a woman after class or in the break room or at a dinner.
In other words, if you’re at your friend’s birthday party and there’s an attractive woman you want to meet, don’t go up to her with a long opinion opener. And unless it’s a special situation, don’t approach her with a direct opener either. Just be “normal” – ask her how she knows your friend. Or ask your friend who the woman is – that’s a good idea anyway if it’s his party, since good friends are a lot harder to come by than attractive women, and that gives him a chance to tell you if he’s interested in her or anything else you should know. And then he can introduce you.
Attraction in your Social Circle
Attraction is also a lot different within your social circle from meeting a woman in a bar or on a dating site. A woman in a social circle situation might still feel initial attraction to you just like she might if you approached her at the mall, but in a cold approach situation, whatever she learns about you from your first conversation is probably all she’ll know about you. For a one-hour conversation at a nightclub or online, you can push boundaries, even be aggressive, take her on an emotional journey, etc. That can be attractive, and also make a woman curious to get to know you better. But if she sees you in the break room every day, she already has a chance to get to know you — use it!
In other words, where you might hook up or go on a date with a woman after meeting her for an hour in a club, if it’s a woman who just happens to work in the same office as you, you might have dozens of interactions over many days before a date or hookup happens. A woman in your social circle will usually be a bit more cautious, because you’ll know people in common and see each other regularly — so she’ll want to be sure that things won’t be “weird” afterwards or that she’ll get a reputation or be the subject of gossip. (On the other hand, she’ll probably trust you more than she would a complete stranger she had no previous connection to)
Don’t Treat Your Social Circle Like a Nightclub
This is a direct quote from Braddock in Social Circle Mastery. Love Systems cold approach techniques are designed to “break through” social barriers very quickly and to get to an outcome (phone number and date, or leaving together) in the first conversation. This is out of necessity. If she doesn’t know you or have any reason to know you, you have to break through her barriers, especially if she is attractive and gets hit on a lot. And it’s probably a one-shot deal…unless you have some reason to think you’ll run into her again soon, you have to make something happen in this first conversation.
Also, most nightclubs have more attractive women than you’ll have time to meet. These women will mostly be strangers, who you’ll never see again and who don’t know each other. So Love Systems adapts for these situations, with techniques that tell you very quickly if a woman is interested in you or not, to attract women quickly, and to push things forward with a woman rather than have hours-long conversations to nowhere. These are all part of the standard set of Love Systems techniques taught on bootcamps, day game workshops, through the mastermind program, or at SuperConference.
The women who you don’t hook up with or arrange to meet again at a nightclub – you shouldn’t usually be very worried about them. There’s no real benefit to improving your status with these women from “he hit on me but I wasn’t interested” to “he seems like a good guy”. You’re never going to see them again and they won’t remember you anyway. Your goal in cold approach is get the woman you want and not worry about everyone else.
In Social Circle game there is a BIG difference between “he hit on me but I wasn’t interested” and “he seems like a good guy”. The guy in the social circle who is known for hitting on his friends and has been rejected once or twice will never hook up with anyone else in his social circle again. No woman wants to feel that her guy is desperate or low-quality. Especially when she’d be reminded of this every time she sees her friends.
1,500 words in, and we’re barely scratching the surface. Let me finish this with a couple links to social circle resources:
* Search the Love Systems website for “Social Circle”
* Search the Attraction Forums for Social Circle Mastery
* Braddock and Mr M’s Social Circle Mastery DVDs
* More articles on this blog about Social Circle Game